Ese Hari imico y’umukunzi wawe utishimira? Dore uko wamufasha kuyihindura.

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Niba umukunda, ariko ukabona hari imyitwarire cyangwa imico afite itakunogeye, ushobora kumuhindura, bitabaye ngombwa ko umwirukana mu buzima bwawe. Si ngombwa ko wamwanga kugira ngo ahindure imyitwarire mibi ahubwo nawe ubwawe wabimufashamo.

Abantu kenshi bavuga ko bidashoboka ko wahindura imyitwarire y’umuntu, ko utagomba no kubigerageza. Ko ugomba kwemera imyitwarire ye n’imico ye ku buryo budahinduka. Birazwi neza ko koko utahatira umuntu guhindura imico ye ku bw’imbaraga zawe, ariko hari uburyo wamufasha kumva ko agomba guhindura imyitwarire ye.

Uburyo 5 bworoheje bwagufasha guhindura imyitwarire y’uwo ukunda, maze mukagendera mu nzira imwe. Bituma urukundo rwanyu rukomera cyane:

Intambwe 1: Umva ikimutera kumva adashaka guhinduka

Kuba uwo mukundana yaba afite imyitwarire ubona idakwiye kandi ukabona idahinduka, haba hari ikintu kibyihishe inyuma gituma adahitamo guhinduka. Dufate nk’urugero: Niba umukobwa mukundana ubona akubeshya, akabikora uyu munsi, ukamubwira, akongera akabikora undi munsi, akabikora inshuro nyinshi. Ikibazo aho si uko atari mukuru, kumubwira ngo “jya witwara nk’umuntu ukuze” ntacyo bizahindura ku myitwarire ye. Ahubwo bizatuma akuzinukwa burundu.

Dufate urundi rugero: Niba umusore mukundana anywa inzoga cyane agasinda, akaba arara mu tubyiniro agataha ijoro cyangwa bwakeye. Kumubwira ngo ajye yifata nk’umugabo sibyo byatuma ahinduka. Ahubwo bizabatandukanya.

Ahubwo wamubaza impamvu ajya mu kabyiniro. Mubaze uti “Ujya mu kabyiniro kwishimisha?” ,“Uba wananiwe ugiye kuruhuka?” ,“Kugira urebeko waba uri ahantu hatuje?”. Uko uzagenda wumva impamvu abikora, muzafatanya kubona umuti w’uko ibyo ekeneye yabibona ahandi. Bigatuma imyitwarire ye yayihindura.

Intambwe 2: Musubiriremo, noneho umuhe inama

Inama buri gihe ntizikora mu guhindura imyitwarire y’umuntu, kubera impamvu nyinshi. Kenshi hari ubwo byumvikana nk’aho uri kumucira urubanza, cyangwa kuba umufata nk’umunyamakosa bigatuma ahubwo arushaho kurakara, nuko ntiyongere kugutega amatwi.

Ariko, igihe umaze gufata umwanya ukamutega amatwi, ukumva impamvu yitwara muri ubwo buryo, n’impamvu ataba ashaka guhinduka, ushobora kumuha uburyo wowe utekereza bwamufasha. Muri ubu buryo biragoranye cyane ko umuntu yakanga kukumva, mu gihe nawe yamaze kukubwira ibibazo bye bimutera kudahinduka.

Kugira ibyo umubwira bigire imbaraga cyane, musubiriremo ikibazo nk’uko yakikubwiye. Kumusubiriramo, bizatuma yumva ko wamwumvise kandi wamuhaye agaciro cyane, ko utari kumucira urubanza, umuhindura ku ngufu. Musubiriremo incuro nk’ebyiri, kugira yumve neza ko impamvu ze wazumvishe.

Intambwe 3: Itware nk’uko ushaka kubona yitwara

Inama burya ngo zumvikana, iyo uwo ubwira abona ko nawe ibyo umubwira ari byo ukora. Niyo mpamvu uba ugomba kubaka uburyo bw’imyitwarire ushaka ko uwo ukunda yagira. Bizagusaba kubikora muri ubu buryo:

  1. Ni ukumwereka, si ukumubwira. Mwereke mumigenzereze uko yakora ibintu mu bundi buryo
  2. Kumwemerera atari ukumuhakanya. Bikamuha ubutumwa bumubwira, “dore ibyo wagakwiye guhita utangira gukora,” aho kuba “kubera iki utahagarika gukora gutyo koko?”
  3. Biri mu ntekerezo zacu. Twese tugerageza gukora nk’ibyo tubonana abandi, biroroshye ko n’ubwo umuntu atavuga, umuntu yareba uburyo yitwara nawe agahitamo kwitwara nkawe. Niba rero uwo mukundana nawe akubonana ingeso mbi, ntazumva inama zawe.

Urugero rworoshye: Niba uwo mukundana adakunda kubyina, wowe shyiramo indirimbo, utangire ubyine. Azabona bishimishije, numufata akaboko azemera aze umwigishe kubyina.

Intambwe ya 4: Shyiraho imbibi

Kwemera imyitwarire y’uwo mukundana si ikintu gikomeye cyane cyemeza ko umwitayeho. Niba imyitwarire ye imubangamiye kandi nawe ikubangamiye, ni igihe cyo kuba washyiraho imbibi. Gushyiraho umurongo ngenderwaho, bivuze kutemera imyitwarire imwe n’imwe mu mibanire yanyu. Ubwo rero, urukundo rwanyu rugira umurongo ngenderwaho rutagomba kurenga.

Impamvu bashyiraho umurongo ngenderwaho, ni ukugira ngo ibintu bive mu rujijo, yaba muri wowe no kuwo mukundana, ibigomba kwemerwa n’ibitagomba kwemerwa. Niba umugabo wawe atwara imodoka yiruka cyane, ushobora kumubwira: “Ntukomeze gutwara wihuse.” Bimusubiriremo. Ese kumubuza gutwara yiruka bivuze iki? Ese ntiyatwara yiruka ari mu muhanda utarimo imodoka nyinshi?

Musobanurire neza umubwire ahantu atagomba kujya atwara yiruka cyane. Icyo gihe, uba uri kugenda ushyiraho umurongo ngenderwaho mu rukundo rwanyu.

Intambwe ya 5: Nawe jya wemera guhinduka

Nta kintu gituma umuntu yumva yahinduka nko kubona nawe wemera kuba wahinduka. Niba nawe uzi ko ufite imyitwarire uwo mukundana atishimira, shyiramo imbaraga uhinduke. Imbaraga abona ushyira mu guhinduka kugira ngo umushimishe, nizo mbaraga nawe azashyira mu guhindura imyitwarire ye agushimishe.

Ugomba kwibuka ko, mu rukundo rwanyu muri babiri kandi mungana. Ntuzigere na rimwe usaba uwo mukundana ikintu, nawe uzi ko utamuha. Wimusaba guhinduka ngo akunezeze kandi nawe udashaka guhinduka ngo umunezeze. Wimusaba kukumva kandi nawe utamwumva.

Nibyo koko utashobora guhindura undi muntu, niwe ubwe ushobora guhindura imyitwarire ye. Ariko ibyo ntibivezeko ntacyo wabikoraho. Kurikiza ubwo buryo 5 twavuze, niba ushaka kubona uwo ukunda ahindura imyitwarire ye, nuko mugire urukundo rukomeye cyane rwuzuyemo ibyishimo.

Sangiza abandi iyi nkuru

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